Breaking News: NerveGear Is Available Now in Japan!

Note: Actual product may vastly differ in appearance.

Oh my gosh, I’ve waited years for this. Years I say – ever since 2012. Now after all this time, it’s finally become a reality. Remember way back when Sword Art Online was first unleashed upon the world in anime form, and fanboys all over the world gathered their smart-ass brains together to wish upon a shooting star for a miracle¹? Now, everyone, rejoice! The miracle has come! Introducing the newest and greatest invention to come out of Japan since 2012, the NerveGear 2K15 Model X69, codenamed “L-O-L-I-C-O-N”. This is not² a joke, and if you read until the end you’ll find out why.

Press Release Below

Features

Using state-of-the-art advanced technology, the TMO Corporation has succeeded in creating the world’s first³ virtual reality headset that transports you into the world of Sword Art Online.

The large 5″ panel display is curved just like Samsung’s phones using technology from years ago! It has a resolution of 480 x 800, just like the phones that were made in 2010! The comfortable frame of the headset utilizes patent-pending OppaiSoft⁴ cushioning material to make sure that you feel at ease when playing on the screen that has induced sickness in 100% of our beta testers.

It really does make you feel sick.

We’ve also included an in-built eye scanner so that you never have to press any buttons! We’ve also licensed Apple’s secret technologies to make sure that your experience is, excuse the pun, quite delicious. Additionally, we’ve also included Apple stickers inside to maximize both consumer satisfaction and profit margins, as studies show that anything related to Apple will instantly make consumers fork out more cash.

Where to buy

As of right now, there is only one of these headsets in existence. Yes, one! It’s located somewhere in the world, probably in Japan, maybe not. Actually the developer lost the only copy that we had, so we have no idea where it is. Probably in some pawn shop though. So shop around, because you might get lucky!

Pricing

Once we recover the lost model so that we can mass-produce these (unfortunately we lost the blueprints too), the starting price will be at a staggering low AU$6666.66. Just for comparisons sake, most other virtual reality headsets are around 6 times cheaper, yet offer a lot better specifications, minus the OppaiSoft patent-pending technology.

We look forward to getting these on the market soon. Hopefully in a few decades, after I graduate from university and get a halfway decent job.

Thank you, gullible consumers!

Anonymous CEO and the waifu of this blog’s author (no idea who she is, don’t ask).

–The TMO Corporation

End of press release
1 / 4 / 2015
(a.k.a - April Fool's Day)

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¹ Note: This never happened.

² It’s April Fool’s. Of course it’s a joke…

³ No, we were beaten by a few other companies.

⁴ Unfortunately our patent was denied.